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July 31st, 2006
January 25th, 2006
04:11 pm
I feel happy these days. it's an odd, unfamiliar feeling and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it yet.
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April 27th, 2005
11:50 am - LA LA Land
The ways on dating white guys
1. Be Asian
2. Be a hot Asian
3. Be a hot Asian with Asian culture
4. Be a hot Asian with Asian culture and "strict" Asian parents who have sheltered you your whole life
5. Be a hot Asian with Asian culture and "strict" Asian parents who have sheltered you your whole life and be a good enough actress to persuade the guy that HE is the one who can help you break free!
Everyone always says that LA has the gorgeous women. I have to disagree. When I was in Manhatten I saw more gorgeous women then I thought possible. It could have been because they seemed so polished. Sophisticated...and I'm a country bumpkin who was just amazed by the big city.
But it's not true that LA has the most gorgeous women. When I was living in LA guys would literally be tripping over their tongues at the "hot girls." And I'd be looking around going "Where? huh? wtf you lookin at?" becaues to me it was one and the same.
They're tan, toned and caked with makeup. No other alternatives. Which I guess to me is not gorgeous. Makeup is an art, definitely. And much props to the women who can artfully apply their makeup. But you need SOMETHIN to back it up underneath. Now granted, my girlfriends are hot. And they're jocked wherever they go...but in my opinion it's not only their looks it's what else is underneath that makes them HOT.
There's plenty of good looking girls out there...but the ones that STAY married and happy with the rich, successful men...there's gotta be something else besides the looks.
Although...with looks I'd at least catch the rich, successful men...
But why am I worrying about it..I'm in Missouri...They think I'm the greatest thing created after crab rangoons.
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January 31st, 2005
01:03 pm - The Art of Farting...
Girls farting always cracks me up. For some reason it's such a no no thing to do. Girls are taught that as LADIES (notice the sarcasm) we should not fart in public. While GUYS fart everywhere they go. Did you ever walk behind a guy at Walmart and he looks around everywhere really quick and then slowly you start smelling something like rotten eggs?
(I can just see you all cringing as you reminisce about all the times this has happened)
But girls DO fart. I know there's girls out there that always say "I don' fart." BULLSHIT. IF you didn't fart at ALL then you know what you would become?
A huge feckin BALL OF GAS.
And then there's the girls who say "Oh, my fart doesn't smell like shit." Then what DOES it smell like? ROSES?
"Roses really smell like poo poo poo."~ just like the OUtkast song says...NO fart smells like roses...it all smells like shit.
However, do you know the reason why you don't smell a lot of girls' farts? Because we are SLY about it. Oh yes..Girls...are SMART when it comes to hiding their fartiness.
When my best friend was getting married, I had to drive up 15 hours with 5 people in a 4 runner. UNCOMFoRTABLE does not being to describe it. 3 people jam packed in the backseat with a driver that happened to not miss ANY bumps, potholes on the road. Plus 1 window was BROKEN so we put duct tape all over it in hopes that some of the wind won't blow in (it didn't work.)
Anyway, so there we were all jampacked into this car, and then all of a sudden you smell...IT. Now, a human fart has an original kind of stench. It doesnt smell like dog shit, or cow shit, you KNOW it smells like somethign that can only come from a human being.
So there we are, when all of a sudden this pungent smell creeps up into our nostrils and stays there...
"AW SHIT. WHO FARTED>!"!"!"
"WHO FARTED>!?!""! IT WAS YOU! YOU! YOU!"
4 people instantly start arguing on who farted....1 remains silent..the accusations point to the guy in the middle of the backseat...
person A: It was HIM!!
Person B : YEa, you! GOT DAMN WHY DID YOU FART, MAN
Person being accused : IT WASN'T ME ! IF I FFARTED I WOULD ADMIT IT!!!"
Person C: dude, don't LIE, man. God is watching
Person D: YEA, dude. YOU FARTED. ADMIT IT
Person E: (thinking to themself : HAHAHHAHAHAH IT WAS ACTUALLY ME!!)
Person being accused: IT WAS HER!!! *points to person E*
Everyone else : DUDE SHE IS A GIRL! GIRLS DON'T FART! AND IF THEY DID, IT WOULDN'T SMELL!
Moral of the story: If you're going to fart, ladies....fart where there's all guys...because they would never believe that it was you..
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January 28th, 2005
12:41 am - Untouched & Untainted...
My goal this year is to get at least one marriage proposal. I'll gently put 'em down by saying "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?" and then run away screaming in laughter with the ring...
Ah...dreams are what keeps me going.
I'll be moving out of my house in August, and I can't tell you how happy that I am. Granted, my parents don't know it yet but one day they'll walk into the house and all my stuff will be gone with a note :
Thanks for the food & lodging for all my life. I'm off to join the real world. Goodbye."
I swear my family lives in a bubble. We're a very close knit, very christian (ok, so not me. my parents) very holy family. My parents pray before every meal, go to church regularly, talk to other people about the bible...
where as I feint sick whenever there's a meeting , when people ask me bible questions I pretend I don't speak Korean or English (whichever language they talk to me in) and I blink (which to me, means praying.)
My dad still thinks that I'm a virgin, untouched by manly hands, pure and innocent.
If he only knew...
I'd be a dead man. I mean, woman.
I had no idea finding a place to live would be so hard...Granted, I'm on a limited budget (make that a fuckin no budget) because I work w. my dad and he has the mentality of every Korean parent out there
: If you are my blood relation, I don't need to pay you."
The drawback is that I don't know this city well enough and so don't know where all the ghetto blacks are. I'm not racist, but is it just me or do black people just dirtify a neighborhood.
You'll see a nice, white neighborhood such as Wisteria Lane , and 5 black families move in w. their gangster wannabe kids, and pretty soon in a year you'll see it turn into Compton.
It's one of the mysteries of life for me...of how most blacks just walk around w. all that shit in their chest. The black friends that I have embrace being black...and shoving the blackness up pompous white people's asses.
Of course, being Asian in a fuckin white ass town..also has it's cons. It's funny how though that I get hit on while living here..
In LA, I was the DUFF. Designated Ugly Fat Friend...where as here, i'm the HAG. Hot Asian Girl. It does wonders for the ego..until you figure out that none of the people want a relationship with you..they just want to say I BANGED A LUCY LIU.
Tell me, somebody. anybody. Any advice for someone who's wanting to move out from her parent's tyranny?
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January 6th, 2005
03:24 pm - Seasonal Boyfriends!
I LOVED Chicago. It's a cleaner version of NYC. New York is crowded, smelly, and packed with homeless people. Chicago's downtown is crowded, not smelly and I didn't see one homeless person. At least in the main part of downtown. Go 10 minutes away from there and it looks like 8 Mile.
I have 2 friends , 1 cousin and 2 acquaintences getting married this year. 2005 seems to be the year when everyone gets hitched because IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD!!! So it would seem with all these natural disasters, and most recently the tsunami. I for one, will not be getting married although it is my goal to get laid. And not laid by anyone, but a hot, korean boy. Hah! Dream on...yes. Instead of getting married, laid, I am planning to market this idea to the world :
Seasonal Boyfriends!
Every year I go through the same thing with somebody. We get lonely, we complain about the holidays, whine , moan, bitch that we need someone for the cold wintery nights...
And then summer hits and it's just like "OH MY GOD. IT IS HOT. GET AWAY FROM ME!"
And so, why not seasonal boyfriends for hire? These are the guys that you can take to family gatherings...Thanksgiving, Christmas..and not have to hear
"HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW? AND YOU ARE STILL NOT MARRIED OR ATTACHED??? HA HA HA! YOU ARE GETTING OLD, YOU KNOW! NOBODY WANTS AN OLD HEN! THEY WANT FRESH YOUNG CHICKENS!"
You can take them with you to your couple friends houses, for I see that as I start to hit the mid 20's more and more friends of mine are becoming joined at the hip.
What do you think? I think it's genius. And if someone writes about this somewhere...Imma be pissed.
So, applications for seasonal boyfriends are now being taken. Hah.
You must be :
Somewhat good looking to if not gorgeous. If not the looks, then have rapier wit and witty remarks to everything. Act affectionate to your girlfriend. Hold her hand, smile at her, maybe even kiss her occassionally to let the family think you're madly in love w. her. Do not, under any circumstances get rip roaring drunk. Instead, let the other family members get rip roaring drunk, and make fools of them for your girlfriend's benefit. Always remember that you are a seasonal boyfriend and she will dump you when she wants. You, cannot in any case, dump HER.
Or if you do dump her, do it in a way that will make her look good.
"She's just too perfect in every way. What man wouldn't want that? I can't bring you down from your perfectness. It is ME. All ME. I am just a LOSER. YOU are a QUEEN."
And be sure to do this in front of the guy that she's been in love with for 34589034580 # of years.
Do not expect sex, but if you do have sex, make sure you're a damn good lover.
I think this is a great idea. There are wingwoman, and I read in someone's LJ about girlfriends for hire.
Seasonal boyfriends can be my big break!
Now if only I could find a sponsor..
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